9 Cities Around The World At 8am

Plus thoughts on a few countries from John Cleese

UK RAISES ALERT LEVEL

The English 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian 🇷🇺 threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The Russians 🇷🇺 have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.”

The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish 🇪🇸 Armada.

SCOTLAND

The Scots 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.”

They don’t have any other levels.

This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army 🪖 for the last 300 years.

FRANCE

The French 🇫🇷 government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.”

The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.”

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag 🏳️ factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability. They have also started wearing their reversible coats 🧥.

ITALY

Italy 🇮🇹 has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.”

Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

GERMANY

The Germans 🇩🇪 have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

BELGIUM

Belgians 🇧🇪 on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual;

the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

SPAIN

The Spanish 🇪🇸 are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

AUSTRALIA

Australia 🇦🇺 meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.”

Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel 🚫 the barbie 🍖 this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

John Cleese – British writer, actor, comedian and tall person.

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