Condoms, Adult Toys And Pregnancy

A funny set of clips, two on condoms, two on adult toys & the story of a hillbilly explaining to his friend that his wife always gets pregnant on holidays.

Plus the sad story of a suspected of drunk driver

I think, I’m going to lose my drivers license… 😭😭😭😭😭😢😢😢😢

and all just because of a stupid police officer…

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”

Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”

Officer: “Ok, let’s do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?”

Me: “A car.”

Officer: “Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?”

Me: “I have no idea!”

Officer: “So, you’re drunk.”

Me: “But I didn’t drink anything.”

Officer: “Okay, one more test — Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?

Me: “A motorcycle.”

Officer: “Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?”

Me: “I have no idea!”

Officer: “As I suspected, you’re drunk!”

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me: “So…, counter question — You’re driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?”

Officer: “A prostitute of course.”

Me: “Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?”

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend…

And speaking of drunks, I think it’s fair to say he got the job

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”

“That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass…

“This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.”

“Correct.” A third glass… “It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blond, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.”