Irish comedian Dave Allen delivers his thoughts on creation of the world, the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve, the snake and the apple and more.

Plus a few jokes about a Rabbi, Priests & Paddy

The Rabbi on holiday in Hawaii

A Jewish congregation in Boca Raton honours its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed.

She greets the Rabbi with, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the President of the shul arranged for you.” The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the shul and shouts, “Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this”

Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her and asks, “Where are you going? I’m not angry with you.”


Paddy finds a parking spot

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, ‘Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!’

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, ‘Never mind, I found one.’


Do you want to go to heaven?

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

The man said, ‘I do, Father.’

The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’

Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

‘Certainly, Father,’ the man replied.

‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’

The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’


Paddy was in New York

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, ‘Okay, pedestrians.’ Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.

He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, ‘Pedestrians!’ for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, ‘Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?’


Speeding Priest pulled over by cop

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, ‘Sir, have you been drinking?’

‘Just water,’ says the priest.

The trooper says, ‘Then why do I smell wine?’

The priest looks at the bottle and says, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again!’


And finally a Priest and a Nun are caught in a blizzard

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter. They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets. The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the night the nun calls out, “Father, Father I’m cold!”

So the priest gets up and puts another blanket on the nun. “Is that better Sister?” he asks. “Yes Father, much better,” she replies. So he gets back in his sleeping bag and starts to nod off when she again calls out with, “Father I’m still cold!”

So once again the priest gets up and puts another blanket on her, ensuring she is tucked into the bed well. “Is that better Sister?” he asks.

“Oh yes Father, that’s much better,” she says.

So the priest gets himself back into the sleeping bag and this time is just starting to dream when he wakes up to her call of, “Father, Father I’m just so cold!”

The priest thinks long about this and finally says, “Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard. No one but you, myself, and the lord himself will ever know what happens here this night. How about, just for this night, we act as though we were married?”

The nun thinks on this for a minute, she can’t help but admit to herself she’s been curious, and finally answers with a tentative, “OK Father, just for tonight, we will act as though we are married.”

So the Father replies,

“Great, so you can get up and get your own damned blanket!” and rolls over to fall asleep.


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