Plus a few short jokes to keep the laughter going
The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student,
“Why have you chosen this career?” he asked. “I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.
“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean, much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”
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At the rate things are changing, anyone nostalgic for the “good old days” is yearning for last week.
“A procrastinator’s work is never done.”
A speech is like a wheel: The longer the spoke, the greater the tire.
The alternative to a US Vacation is to stay home and tip every third person you see.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
A pun is the lowest form of humour — unless you thought of it yourself.
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In the traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to the school on time.
A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye.
“You’re a schoolteacher, hmm?” he said. “Ma’am, today I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I’ve waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at the table and write ‘I went through a red light’ 500 times!”
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A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today.”
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
“That’s interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change “y” to “i” and add ‘es’ on the end.”
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A small town had three churches — and all three were virtually overrun with pesky squirrels.
The first church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.
After much prayer and consideration they determined that God must have wanted the squirrels there, and the church shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
The second church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creations, so they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.
Three days later, the squirrels were back.
The third church came up with the best and most effective solution: they baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
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“An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears this may be true…”
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I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her.
I would point out something and ask what colour it was.
She would tell me, and always she was correct.
But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”
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Our favourite restaurant has a waitress whose name-tag reads “Beautiful.”
“Is that really your name?” I asked her.
“No” she admitted. “But if people are going to holler at me all day, I can at least be called something I like.”
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Two airheads in California are sitting outside on a cool, clear evening, looking at the moon and talking.
One asks: “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”
The other replies (with eye-roll): “Hellooooooooooo! Can you see Florida from here??”
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The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into twilight…
Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order.
Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
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My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life.
One morning as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room to be sure she had tidied it up.
“You call THAT a made bed?” I asked.
No Dad,” Maggie replied. “It’s just a rough draft.”
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The purpose of this thread is to spread a little laughter around from time to time because IT IS GOOD FOR US TO LAUGH <A joyful heart is like good medicine. Prov 17:22 >
Your Pleasure is Our Business. Our goal is to relieve your stress, enhance your pleasure, take you to a new level of ecstasy and leave you dripping with joy.
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