Some dark humour from Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean). In this clip Rowan is the headmaster of a boy’s school confronting the father of a naughty boy.

Plus a few funny stories about death and dying

Ideas for flogging a dead horse government style

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that – 
“When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”     
 
However, in government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1.   Buying a stronger whip.

2.   Changing riders.

3.  Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4.   Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead  horses.

5.   Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6.   Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7.   Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8.   Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9.   Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse’s performance.

10.  Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance. 

11.  Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less  costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12.  Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course….
13   Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position. 

If you don’t understand this theory, you haven’t lived long enough.


Then there’s the CIA holding candidate interviews for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

‘We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair …. Kill her!!’

The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’

The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man  For this job.  Take your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, But I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls..

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to kill him with the chair!’


Plus the heart wrenching story of the elderly lady whose husband had died 

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”


And finally a story of a Moscow resident checking the newspaper obituaries

A man in Moscow buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, & throws it away.

He does the same thing every day.

Eventually, the seller snaps “Why DO you do that?”

“I’m just checking for an obituary”

“But obituaries aren’t on the front page!”

“The one I’m looking for will be.”


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Rowan A


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