His Father's Last Words To Sir Les - Naughty Adult Fun Stuff

Sir Les Patterson, created by Barry Humphries along with Dame Edna, tells the story of his father’s last words, an oldie, but still good for a laugh.

Plus a few one liners and a blond just for laughs

Now on sale at IKEA – beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove.

A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it’s definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman it’s considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its 2.50/min (charges may vary).

Got stopped in the cosmetic department today by a woman with a clipboard asking “What products do I use for grooming?” She was a bit taken aback when I replied, “Facebook”.

Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though – she’s crap at snooker.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

Finally the story of a Blond fessing up in Church

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask for forgiveness from God and this Christian family”.

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?”

Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.”

“I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

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