Funny man Dave Allen discusses intimate matters relating to the ins & outs of sex, the expressions, religion & condoms, plenty of laughs & so true.

Plus mother reveals how her son came to be born

A 7 year old boy asks his mother; “Mummy, how was I born?”

Mum smiled and replied:

“Well, once upon a time, Daddy and I decided to plant a special little seed.
Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every day.

After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.

So we took the plant, dried the leaves, smoked them and got so high that we had sex without a condom!“

Gets you all choked up, eh?

Ever wondered which sex some everyday items might be?

You  might not know this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

Here  are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them        up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere you have to light a fire under their arse.

SPONGES: These are female..because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently, getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up girls.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female, because over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years they’ve hardly changed at all and are occasionally handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL: Female, Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

New Women Only Car Park:

With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded car parks, especially during evening hours,  the  City Council has  established a ‘Women Only’ car park at the shopping centre. Even the  parking attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe  environment is created for patrons.

Below is the first picture available  of this world-first women-only parking lot.

Cheeky sods!

Women Only Car Park

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