Funny man Dave Allen discusses intimate matters relating to the ins & outs of sex, the expressions, religion & condoms, plenty of laughs & so true.
Plus mother reveals how her son came to be born
A 7 year old boy asks his mother; “Mummy, how was I born?”
Mum smiled and replied:
“Well, once upon a time, Daddy and I decided to plant a special little seed.
Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried the leaves, smoked them and got so high that we had sex without a condom!“
Gets you all choked up, eh?
Ever wondered which sex some everyday items might be?
You might not know this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere you have to light a fire under their arse.
SPONGES: These are female..because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently, getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up girls.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female, because over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years they’ve hardly changed at all and are occasionally handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female, Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
New Women Only Car Park:
With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded car parks, especially during evening hours, the City Council has established a ‘Women Only’ car park at the shopping centre. Even the parking attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.
Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot.
Cheeky sods!
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