Dedicated to a mate who is recovering from surgery this week, found in time and successfully dealt with. I wish you a speedy recovery Pete and hope to see you soon.
And now for a laugh on the subject of men’s bits
A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said “I want to be a movie star.”
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, “What’s your name?”
The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.”
The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.”
“I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.”
The agent said, “Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years… you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!
I’m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.”
“So be it! I guess we will not do business together” the guy said and he left the agent’s office.
FIVE YEARS LATER…
The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000.
The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed…
“Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.
After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice…
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
Then there’s the cowboy with a big boots and a big ego
A matronly lady went into a local bar. She saw a handsome man with his feet propped on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen.
She sat down at the table next to him and after awhile, the woman asked him if it was true what they say about men with big feet being well-endowed.
The man grinned and said, ‘Sure is, little lady. Why don’t you come to my place and let me prove it to you?
The woman considered she might never get an offer like this again and was curious to find out for herself, so she went along and ended up spending the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, ‘Well, thank you, I’m really flattered. Nobody has ever paid me for my ‘services’ before!’
Don’t be flattered’ she replied…
‘Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit…’
Women can be sooooo cruel !
Finally a blonde making a phone call she won’t forget
Plus a blonde making a phone call she won’t forget.
A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: “I don’t have any money.”
But I’d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother.”
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). “Anything?” he asked.
“Yes, yes, anything” the blonde promised.
Well, then, “Just follow me” said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.”
Come in and close the door” the man said.
She did.
He then said, “Now get on your knees.”
She did.
“Now take down my zipper.”
She did.
“Now go ahead … Take it out….” He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands.
Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered..
“Well …. Go ahead.”
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, ….
…tentatively said ….
“Hello. Mum, can you hear me?”
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