Often the punishment for stealing a bike is a slap on the wrist, These guys have decided administer swift justice to deter thieves from stealing bikes.

Plus a story of retribution for an attempted crime

AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason, my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .

She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn’t it?!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with crap in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb ….. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Biden as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex


But there are times when a planned crime solves a problem

A man loses his hat and decides the easiest way to get another one is to steal it.

He goes to the church cloakroom to get a hat. A sermon about the Ten Commandments was going on. The man pauses to listen and then changes his mind. On nearing the exit, he runs into the pastor.

He says, “I came here with sin in my heart. I must say, you saved me from crime.”

The pastor replies, “That’s nice to hear. What sin were you about to commit?”

The man replies, “I came here to steal a hat, but your sermon made me change my mind.”

The priest says, “May I know what part of my sermon made you see the error of your ways?”

The man replies, “When you reached the ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ part, I suddenly remembered where I left my hat.”


Your Pleasure is Our Business. Our goal is to relieve your stress, enhance your pleasure, take you to a new level of ecstasy and leave you dripping with joy.Love Honey Sale Specials
Add your email address to have posts delivered direct to your inbox

 


You may also like

Being Naughty Has Consequences
03:47
Plus 19 crime related memes and a pair of 38's
Variations On Catching Criminals
Plus 30 funny memes on crime, criminals & police
Clever Criminals Win - Morons Fail
Plus a mother's words of wisdom to her children
Trunk Monkey, Lawyer & Fancy Dress
Plus some observations and thoughts for survival
Police Humour, Romance & Compassion
3 funny clips with police humour on the street, a sudden end to a ...
2 Females, 2 Unusual Phone Calls
03:06
Plus a call to the prison regarding conjugal visits
Unlucky Master Shoplifters Caught
Plus a few true funnies about witnesses & lawyers
Crime & Punishment & A Winning Bum
Plus a couple of jokes with a law and order theme
How To Avoid Penalties For Crimes
Plus 30 memes with a crime & misconduct theme
Lethal Justice For Mobile Crooks
Plus the story of Al Capone, Easy Eddie & Butch
Bullets Can Shorten Life Of Crime
But it can produce a fortune if done the right way
Unlucky Burglar Picks Wrong House
Plus 29 funny memes with law and order theme
Justice Prevails For Friend In Need
Plus actual newspaper headlines that need rewrite
How To Scam A Scammer On The Phone
Plus proof that things aren't always as they seem
Commit Crimes & Use Phone App To Pay
And of course we still the old fashioned confession
Page 1 of 2
Categories:

0 Comments

Leave a Reply

Avatar placeholder

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *