What could go wrong with a toilet? It’s a very useful piece of plumbing when the need arises & normally just works, but sometimes shit just happens.

Plus the story of a woman & a wooden toilet seat

My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.

Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came home and undressed to take a shower.

Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.

As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.

We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.

Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts.

Judy wrapped a sheet around herself, and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.)

Judy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before.”

The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them I just never saw one mounted and framed.”


And the origin of the phrase – ” You  Gotta Be Shittin’ Me”

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of America, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.

There were 33 men in Washington’s boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Raymond Dicks and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Dicks, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Dicks and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find him, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, ‘General, I see lights ahead.’ They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn’t know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.

A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, ‘Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.’

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, ‘Well, General, you have come to the right place.

We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?’

Washington replied, ‘Well, Madam, there are 33 men – actually 32 of us without Dicks.’

And the Madam said, ‘ You gotta be shittin me.’


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