What Hides Under A Scotsman’s Kilt?

A girl is brought up on stage, blindfolded and then asked to reach under the kilts worn by 4 men and describe what hides under a Scotsman’s kilt.

Plus a couple of Scottish jokes & bonus on  mating

Donating Blood In Scotland

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.  As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out.

Finally, a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.   After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.  The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.   After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before. He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money … but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates.”

To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now”.

The Scottish Cow…..

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland . It was absolutely wonderful.

It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

“Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland ..

“You are truly a wise Vet,”  they said.

“How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

“My wife’s from Scotland “

And speaking of mating, the secret is in your nose

Went for a walk past a farm with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.

She said: “How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?”

I replied: “He can smell she is ready. That’s how nature works.”

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: “How does the ram know when the ewe is ready for sex?”

I replied: “It’s nature. He can smell she is ready.”

We then went past another pasture and the bull was mating with the cow.

My girlfriend said: “This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?”

I said: “Oh, yes; it’s nature. All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.”

Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her at home and kissed her goodbye.

She said: “Take care and get yourself tested for Covid-19.”

Surprised, “Why do you say that?” I asked her.

She replied: “You seem to have lost your sense of smell.”

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